violet&begonias

My little baby girl kitty, Violet, is gone. I took her to be euthanized on Wednesday, October 2nd. It will forever be the worst day of my life – and of course, hers. I’ve never grieved any other being as much as I am grieving her now. The only one who comes close is my father, my precious daddy. But he had cheated death so many times, had overcome so many obstacles in his life, that it wasn’t a terrible shock. But it was terrible.

Violet though was a teenager in human years. Yes, we all know that when we sign up to love and care for a cat or a dog. I had a wonderful dog, The Grand Poohbah, for 16 years. He decided when it was time for him to go. I had little Violet for close to 16 years, but I decided when it was time. I’ll never know if it was the right time. But most of the time, it still feels so awful to be without her, that I feel it was too soon. By days, weeks, months?

She was sick with a terrible disease for cats, hyperthyroidism – something relatively simple to treat in humans, complicated in cats. When her first lab report came in, her vet had never seen such a high level, at least 7 times higher than normal. But Violet wouldn’t eat the prescribed food for it. And she was hard for even the vet to pill, and it was dangerous for me to be bitten by her because of my own crappy immune system. I found a gel I could put in her ears. It worked. Except that it caused a terrible rash in her ears. I tried every method I could to make the gel work. The rash just kept coming back faster and faster. And she was constantly scratching her ears.

I changed her food to all meat (canned tuna and canned cat food). Then I changed it to raw cat food (which I cooked). It was too expensive, so I started making her food (not at all fun but she was worth it). She loved that food for a few months. Then she stopped eating that, too. Eventually she was eating the absolute worst canned cat food on the market. Then she slowed way down on eating even that.

I had run out of options. My vet said it was time to euthanize her. I didn’t want her to suffer, last thing ever. I wanted more time, but I didn’t take it. She was showing me all the signs that things were going downhill for her, fast.

There is no happy ending. Except for this – she gave me the most love, the most fun, the most affection, the most purring I could have ever gotten – when I most needed it. And I tried to return all that she gave. She deserved it all. She came into my life just six months before I got terribly sick with liver disease. We made that journey together all the way to transplant for me. I can’t even begin to express all my love and gratitude to this little being, my life companion for all these years.

I named Violet before I even met her at the behest of my prized African violet, blooming out of season on the first anniversary of my dog’s passing and his birthday. There it was, a bunch of violets in my kitchen window, and my friend David needed a name for his new cat. Violet the Cat. I met her a few weeks later and it was love at first sight, for both of us. David brought her to me as a Christmas gift shortly after that. My rescue cat who rescued me.

VioletinBin

She had a sense of humor and ownership.

The loss of a cat is immeasurable. But so is the love left behind.